a big red

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To take a dump on someones car and then use your grungy hand to smear it all over like you’re trying to make it look like a crime scene.

My cousin a big red’d my uncle’s BMW and then took a selfie with the mess.

I a big red’d my teacher’s car after she gave me a D on my math test.

My brother a big red’d the principal’s car and got suspended for a week.

A red head who lets their hair grow down there like it’s a fashion statement.

My cousin’s girlfriend is a big red and she wears a hat in the shower.

My neighbor’s a big red and she lets her hair grow down there like it’s a trend.

My aunt’s a big red and she doesn’t shave down there because she says it’s ‘natural’.

A weird soda from Waco that tastes like a soggy gummy bear that’s been soaked in lemon and orange juice and then mixed with vanilla and Tequila.

My dad drinks a big red every morning and calls it his ‘Texas magic’.

I mixed a big red with Tequila and it tasted like a science experiment gone wrong.

My cousin’s a big red addict and he drinks it with breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

A girl who has a fiery muff and is so hot she could make a fire with just her look.

My crush is a big red and she’s so hot I think she could light my face on fire.

My sister’s a big red and she’s got a muff that’s hotter than a BBQ.

My teacher’s a big red and I think she’s got a muff that could burn through the school.

A brand of gum that lasts so long you think you’re going to be chewing it for the rest of your life.

I chewed a big red for a whole day and my mouth was still minty fresh at bedtime.

My brother’s got a big red in his mouth and he hasn’t stopped chewing since breakfast.

My mom’s got a big red and she says it’s the only thing that keeps her from screaming at the kids.

When you eat a tampon that’s covered in blood and it’s like you’re eating a bloody mess.

I ate a big red after my lover and it tasted like a bad breakfast.

My girlfriend ate a big red and she threw up in the bathroom.

I had to eat a big red after my lover and it felt like I was eating a meatball with blood.

A vanilla soda that’s so sweet it tastes like it was made by a kid who just got a candy factory.

My uncle drinks a big red every day and he says it’s his favorite drink.

I had a big red and it was so sweet it made my teeth hurt.

My mom buys a big red every week and she says it’s the only thing that keeps her happy.