A bendy one

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What you say when someone acts like they're not a f***ing noodle

'As straight as a ruler?' I said. 'I'm a f***ing pretzel, you f***ing stick.'

He said he was straight as a ruler. I said, 'I'm the f***ing spaghetti in your lunch.'

She said she was straight. I said, 'You're the f***ing bendy straws in my soda.'

What you say when someone lies about being straight like a f***ing stick

'Straight as a ruler?' I said. 'I'm the f***ing slinky in your closet.'

He said he was straight. I said, 'You're the f***ing bendy straw in my f***ing drink.'

She told me she was straight. I said, 'You're the f***ing noodles in my f***ing soup.'

What you say when someone's f***ing backbone is made of rubber

He said he was straight as a ruler. I said, 'Your spine is made of f***ing rubber.'

She said she was straight. I said, 'You're the f***ing rubber band in my f***ing backpack.'

I said, 'You're not straight. You're the f***ing bendy straw in my f***ing soda.'